Monday, December 29, 2008

無止盡

依舊在尋找那條遺失的項鍊。
有線索的人請麻煩連絡我。

今天想起可能藏匿的地方,
又開始進行無止盡的翻找。
翻找的同時其實是翻找出無止盡的回憶,
從不想記起的到想要忘記的到忘不了的到以為已經忘記的。

綜合所有的過往
可以結論出
我是一個


可愛
做作
噁心
自私
自傲
自戀
自我中心的混蛋!

那條被我遺忘的項鍊
就是帶我回去看看自己有多令人討厭與無心。

人真的不會變吧,
中間那段以為已經改變的只是被風吹偏了一些些,
而終究回到原來那條河上繼續往下游漂流著。

大循環
無止盡。

Sunday, December 28, 2008

感動

我聽著周杰倫的歌,
在感動著。

一直都不是他的粉絲之類的,
但是也不得不承認他的歌聲
讓我感覺到傷心著的男生。

Thursday, December 25, 2008

早晨的憋尿

阿公..
你廁所到底用完了沒有。
我已經起床快要一個小時了
好想尿尿。

現在時刻早晨六點四十一分,
台灣時間。

早起好。

三段到七段的公車

晚上由於車裡座位已滿,
我說了bon voyage 擺了站在海邊的姿勢
獨身前往不遠的公車站牌。
三段的九點多還是熱鬧,但熱鬧的是人行道與來往的車輛,
商家已經關了不少。新人也得回家辦事,所以婚紗企業有自知之明。

上了公車,翻找十五元找不著,
中間混雜著二十五分錢,
只好拾起五十元問司機大哥可否直接投兩段的錢?
他給了我車票。

車段票挺新的
不是因為換新而是因為已經少有人使用
(除了老人外吧)

高興興奮
搭乘公車是為了懷舊
懷念高中的時光。
坐在車裡很明顯的升級為上班族群
只是非上班族有點慚愧。
興奮 真的
可惜沒有擠到巔峰的公車
那種澎湃的年輕感。

我發現我都會盡量把握追趕公車或者火車的時機
在故鄉的過往幹過不少次
在外頭算算也有七八次吧。

追趕這件事情帶給我青春活力
而追趕到代表它尚存在
加上司機的人情味依舊。

不過在車上
三段 四段 五段 六段 七段
每一段我都在思考這附近我認識什麼人?
手機通訊錄裡一堆人中沒有一個符合當時當下

原來 原來

原來之後要接的句子有好幾種
這好幾種來自於好幾種的我

總言之
很高興搭了公車
而我不知道他們知不知道我為何如此高興?

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

a quote from Henry Selick

"...Stop-motion has a certain "grittiness" and is filled with imperfections. And yet there is an undeniable truth, that what you see really exists, even it if is posed by hand, 24 times a second. This truth is what I find most attractive about stop-motion animation..." Henry Selick

I think I love being a human, make paintings, make experimental animation is because of they all filled with imperfections. Plus, they are sincere and real...


Quoted Text from:
http://www.ultimatedisney.com/henryselick-interview.html

Thursday, December 18, 2008

routine

回到家了 第幾次
總避免不了開始翻箱倒櫃
這個動作叫做更新記憶吧

這次有個明確點的目的,就是尋找那個可能已經找不到的項鍊

一個透明的玻璃裡頭裝著玫瑰色鑽石狀的項鍊

我遺留在了哪裡呢?
剛又出國的半年前在遠處打電話來詢問
弟弟說他沒有找到,
其實出去之前也有找過
找不到

這個遺留似乎是刻意
或者
是很殘忍的被其他事物給替代

替代是個可怕的舉動
任何被替代的都是傷心傢伙

整理了一些信件文字
把玩了一下回憶
怎麼想著把他們帶在身邊
可是又決定留在這個堆放的家

有工作還在等著做
身體也累了
在飛機上看了四部電影
吃了幾頓餐
下機轉機休息一會
上機睡覺又吃了一頓
下機搭上爸媽的車
下車又吃了一頓

滿足

台灣的冬天真是溫暖
坐在書桌錢有陽光貼在打字的右手背
鄰居的狗叫聲和
偶爾吹進方窗的風

生氣蓬勃

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

You Fat Little Thing




I really want to squeeze you!!!

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Banana Project FINALLY FINISHED!!



Is it about a banana? Yes.
Is it not about a banana? No.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

無題

喜歡我作品的族群很少
今天突然感到很高興是這麼一回事
可能也只是個自我嘲諷的話
不過是的
我就是無法自拔的沈浸在自我嘲諷之中
管他他媽的狗屁
原來我一直都是對的。

tacky tacky tacky tacky tacky

Monday, December 1, 2008

Bananaboy Punched



This is a little part of my Banana Boy from my Banana Project.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Ziploc

今天早上促使我醒來的原因是:

被交代要買的塑膠袋種類買錯了。

躺在床上想著到底我買的是有封口的三明治塑膠袋還是沒有封口的?
起來確定一下,買對了的。

Saturday, November 29, 2008

香蕉審問



你怎麼了人會這麼問。
是什麼觸動人這麼問?

Sunday, November 23, 2008

回到


不說天氣不說自己,
似乎就沒有什麼東西可以說。
翻開報紙,開始可以看超過一頁,其於進垃圾桶。
吸收不了多少東西也生不出個什麼鳥蛋之類的,

但是這樣子令人厭惡的感覺又開始對身邊的人有了攻擊與威脅。

兩種東西之間的關連只在於一個以前還有現在的觀察比較。
或者,本來就沒有什麼關連。

關連關連,
來想想回台灣要做些什麼?

已經聽說有人要回去拍片了,而我聽說我自己要收集東西準備做偶動畫。
我也聽說我要在學期之前把香蕉動畫增加一些內容且完成,我也聽說我這次申請可以很輕鬆自在的完成它。

最興奮的聽說是我要去水族管當義工。

這樣的聽說累積起來讓我又聽說又想要在腦袋上頭動點手腳。我說的是很表面的位置。

除了以上聽到的說辭,
我親自聽見我說出傷害人的話;
我親自看見我暗箭射傷了好幾個人;
我親自感受到巨大的緊張憤怒忌妒怨恨在左右我。

我正走向一個圓的終點:一個曾經開始的地方。
可能沿途景觀會不大相同,甚至只是某些部份回到那個原點,
有點興奮又討厭。

好,討厭的成份比較多,難怪可以多到冒出來波及到四周圍。

收?收不回啦,就讓它去吧。

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Casa dell Cavallo



A very different painting than what I had before. I like it.
Home of the horse. Try to learn Italian.

Friday, November 21, 2008

夢 故事 與真相

video

事實上沒有夢。故事是咚的。也沒有所謂真相。
短短片獻給Jan.

Niete, just painting..



painting painting painting.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

香蕉德雷馬

最近的香蕉動畫呈現一種停擺狀況。
我說香蕉其實像人,很容易爛掉。但是爛的時候他不懂得掩飾,所以都被看得清清楚楚,
他是那種不懂掩飾的人。

那香蕉為什麼會掉到地上?
是因為他想要跟蘋果或者橘子一樣嗎?還是,是我想要讓他變得跟蘋果還有橘子一樣,
可是偏偏最近真的有些鄙視這兩個水果。

香蕉不應該翻滾的,而我卻讓他翻滾。似乎是我的錯,不是香蕉的錯。香蕉之所以彎曲無法翻滾,
就是因為知道自己脆弱所以盡量不翻滾來保護自己吧。

給他個搖擺好了,搖擺一下不會太傷害他吧。搖擺的時後真好看。

停擺在這裡,我需要再拆開他們,才能夠找到解決的方式。

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Paint and Its Grave Yard



I came up with a conclusion of why I want to make oil paint animation. It is a way to give paint justice. I document paint's movement and their life by camera. "I won't tell you how he died, I will tell you how he lived." Tom Cruise said in The Last Samurai. Yeah, exactly. For example, I feel Jackson Pollock's paintings look like hundreds of thousands of dead flies stick on huge sticky boards. The canvases are like grave yards for paints.

Well, this painting is another grave yard for my paints after my animation. Although I directly kill some of the paints right away without document them, and I feel guilty, but, that's life isn't it?( There are sacrifices..)

video

最近有個結論,為何我要做油畫動畫?
因為這樣使得油畫的顏料成為我導演的主角,他們是主角而不是我。動畫給了他們被記錄的機會,給了他們正義。

想一想,帕洛克的作品不就像是成千上萬的死蒼蠅被黏在巨大蒼蠅板上嗎?那些畫布成了顏料的葬身之地。

這張作品是我做完動畫之後的一做墳場,可是我心裡內疚的是,我在記錄之前還是直接扼殺了一些顏料。不過,這不就像是人生嗎?( 是有犧牲掉的。)

Thursday, October 23, 2008

S. Monkey and T. Bean Story



For Tony and Susan's wedding. I am glad that they love it. It is on stand puppet animation.

My first time using Garage Band making all those sound effects. That was fun!

Monday, October 20, 2008

One of my favorite artists, James Jean's video ( pretty surprising)



Man, I am definitely going to see his show.

Also, today I went to Chicago's International Film Festival, Fear(s) of the Dark.
I have a blessing feeling that I can have my one concept art and also animate by myself. That is certainly the coolest thing!

Friday, October 10, 2008

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Saturday, September 13, 2008

開始之後的真實與存在


( the animation we are working on, story by Jesha.)

說不出來什麼話,只感到不停與現實掙扎。

可是奇怪的事情是,這個掙扎之後,感覺真實多,存在與否的差別大了。

著手,伸進土地裡用力搓揉,

感覺灌溉他的,是遲緩一年之後的淚水。

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Walt Disney's Steamboat Willie and Silly Symphony- Skeleton Dance



Disney's early sound cartoon. I am sorry that my animation history is still poor. I will have to check it out if this is the very first sound animation of Disney's or the second..Well, this is from 1928. After the sound live movie, The Jazz Singer (1927). Well, gotta get more hands on animation history!

All I am very sure of is that Mickey was really mean at the time!



Isn't the last part amazing?

Max Fleischer's Betty Boop in Snow-White



Teacher showed us this wonderful weird animation of Betty Boop Cartoon. How creative and strange. The clown singing part is so good, I can watch it again and again.

The clown part is called rotoscoping, they animated from live action by tracing.

Wonderful!

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Lets Go Out and Have Fun



Little fun we had after shooting Three Rooms. Featuring Angelaya and me.

Three Rooms



The final project for my Experimental Animation class last spring. Shot it with Oxberry, 16mm negative. Transfered into digital and edit it on the IMovie newest version on Mac. Added some ambience sound.

It started from a poetic story, about three rooms, each room didn't really have any connections between each other. In those rooms no one was specifically doing anything. I think it's about movements only. What are they doing? Why? How? What's going on? Those questions didn't really matter, but in each room, something, someone was in there, doing their own things.

Looking at people, seeing what situations they are having is interesting. In some moments, probably means nothing to other people, but sometimes I can just laugh or smile or feel sad when seeing the moment happens in every day life. Maybe this is one of the reason I can't feel fulfilled in only drawing or painting, taking photos.. I want to capture "what's going on" in movements.

Friday, August 15, 2008

lizard, woman, horse or dragon?



Well, another image...

I think my images mostly end up like this is all because I am so lazy to plan things out, and then end up hard to give it a nice ending.

I can't complete my drawings. I can't complete a project, but I have to.

龍應台在野火集中說到沒有掙扎過沒有努力過就不要談 “無力感“。

Yeah, she's right. I have to struggle, struggle more. Work more, do more, eat less, sleep less...

My drawings are all evidences of laziness. I think Mom pointed it out a long time ago...They are right, including my sister.
They are all so f..king right. ( Yesterday I watched all afternoon of Kathy Griffin's My Life on the D-list, I like her, but try not swear like her though..)

Life's short, things pass fast. Darn..



By the way, I saw James Jean's work in Prada store. I almost cried. I didn't know why were I that excited, cuz it was HUGE( I didn't take the huge mural in the main hall, too many security) ? Or was it because it's in a Prada store? Of course, we were not suppose to take photos in the store, but, out of admiration, I had to.

half plant half human thing



Started drawing this one from mid June. Didn't plan to finish it, cuz I didn't really know what is completed or not.

I think I am so interested in looking at sea animals, or combining animal images from different phylum. ( can i use this word like that? )

Well, I think the trip to Georgia Aquarium really gave me a lot of inspiration or motivation for making things. Me and Hui even wish we could work in aquarium, but it's not going to be a long term plan for us to stay in the States. Maybe I can go back to Taiwan and work in one of ours.

Future is so foggy.

Recently I kept having that wonder wheel from Coney Island appearing in my dreams or thoughts. The dreams I had these days were foggy too, but I felt that they were cycling. That made me over slept a lot. I couldn't get up. I didn't even know my sister had already gone for work.

What were those dreams? Those places that kept appearing? So curious.

Money Susan's Profile 1

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Examing myself in growing corset




inside this corset dress I feel an energy coming out.
長大的其實是自己的身體,並非那件束衣小洋裝。

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Randy Pausch Last Lecture: Achieving Your Childhood Dreams



Carnegie Mellon Professor Randy Pausch (Oct. 23, 1960 - July 25, 2008) gave his last lecture at the university Sept. 18, 2007, before a packed McConomy Auditorium. In his moving presentation, "...


It's good to be inspired. Life is truly beautiful.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Sunsets Coney Island


It has that special personality, just like NY City, sad and happy all that jazz. Old old paradise from decades to decades, time to time..people still go there to celebrate the sunsets which reminds them of happiness and sadness. For me, it's another legendary place, from stories to movies.

I got onto the world's oldest roller-coaster, Cyclone, wasn't fear at all cuz I didn't know what should I be scared of. It was the age, the history that frightened people, but I was there to experience that oldness.

Maybe I could have gone to heaven caused by all the unknown, or, I would like to say, by all the highest expectations from things, little things, so I was fearless.

In fact, it was paradise so there were no reality that day.

Maybe people go there to forget, to pretend it was a journey to the end. Isn't that nice if you could put yourself into a place that might be able to make you laugh until you die? Or not knowing you are already dead? Or maybe try to kill yourself before you leave paradise? ( before you get back to reality?)

Ha, ha, I am just saying, again.

The day we went to Coney Island was,

Fabulous.

這時後兩個比三個重要

小雙and Hui.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Grief for the Lost/ got hit by it five times totally


我們落腳紐約的住所是一棟資本主義異常明顯(其實是我們自己大驚小怪吧)的天堂到地獄hostel. 大廳可以看起來像四五顆星的飯店,上了樓,推開門,可以感覺置身於監獄裡頭。
這個讓我們待了十天的地方,有很精彩的故事可以講,但是我要先告訴你們一個小小的,私人的故事。

到了住在Broadway Hotel & Hostel 的第九天,七月二十六日的清晨我醒來,驚覺前晚似乎把手錶給留在公共廁所裡,打開門看見手錶已經不在原本我遺留的位置。其實,是大約凌晨兩點多洗的澡,知道會在那個時間出沒的已經不多了,但是,原本的睡意瞬間清醒,對於右手的輕盈在心上感到沈重不已,看著大家都還在睡著,我輕聲換了衣服,頭腦開始想著該如何是好,手機顯示是六點多鐘,已經睡意全無。

應該是相信吧,我相信我可以找回它來。撥了個電話給柯,感覺要告訴他這件事情。告訴他之後有心情好一點點,但是還是失落,害怕找不回來了。

搭電梯去一樓時遇見了打掃的小姐,我用英文請問她有沒有看見一支手錶?
我想她應該是拉丁語係的人,略懂英文,她回答說有,她們有看見手錶,把它拿到櫃台去了。

興奮卻有些忐忑的還是感謝了她,我到了櫃台詢問一名年輕overnight的人員。

沒有,他說,而且打掃的小姐們九點才開始上班。

我留了一張極大的紙條在櫃台之後,回到我們的樓層,依然無法安然入睡,便決定開始自己寫紙條塞在我們那層樓每一個房間當中。

凌晨兩點多鐘,知道那群年輕西班牙人剛好出門去狂歡了吧,所以會之後回來使用廁所的,就是醒著的人或者歸來的人。

“Have you seen a watch? Please contact front desk or me. ......"

塞了五六個房門,感覺我該做的也都做了,雖然還是緊張難過多餘相信會找到,卻也又倒回床上睡了。

短短時間我作了夢。夢見自己敲每一扇門,在走道上問每一個經過的人有沒有看見一只手錶?甚至有人說等等結果拿給我一只並非我的手錶。還有個韓國體型胖胖的老大,開著會議的同時,好心的打開他的贓物箱給我看看裡頭有沒有屬於我的東西。

醒來之後,準備迎接停留在紐約的最後一天,行程是搭地鐵到布魯克林再徒步走大橋回來。

離開住所前還是去檢查了一下塞在各戶門縫下的紙條,有些已經被拾起,有些還在。也因為這個突如其來的早晨,發現同一層樓上,居然有裝潢擺飾像五星級酒店的豪華房間!果然是個資本主義彰顯的社會,一個濃縮的精華!一朵雲曾上住著天皇與惡鬼!(惡鬼的故事要交給學解說比較有意思。)

準備好出門,離開大廳不忘再次詢問卻也沒有下文。

還沒有走出同一個block, 就習慣性的抬起右手找尋消失的時間。一聲慘叫。在這之前,已經預言自己將會做出這樣的舉動,而不到一刻鐘就馬上發生,感覺接下來的時間也是這樣被重蹈著。

來到布魯克林橋之前的公園,已經做了同樣的蠢事三次。我旅行的每一天早上幾乎腦海裡頭都會自動放一些主題歌,而那天早上,不停不停播放的,是歌劇魅影裡頭的 " Past the Point of No Return".

坐在公園裡頭,一個圓環式的公園,看著兩對夫婦各自推著娃娃車在樹蔭與陽光間散步,面對著空曠的圓環中央,看到另一端有棵樹梢上纏著一顆飄不走的紅色氣球,下沈又上升,來來回回扭動著,主題歌煞那換成 “ Time to..sa-y g-o-o...."

手機響起!一陣興奮的聲音之中我接起來,對方是個男子(直覺覺得是個黑人),問我我是Vicky嗎?我說是。我們找到你的手錶了,他說。


整個陽光當時撒在我身上感覺聖光降臨,我直說謝謝非常感謝,請一定要將它好好保管,傍晚我回去拿。

柯,怎麼都感覺這只手錶實在不能夠給它遺失,你覺得呢?

即使遺失片刻,也要戲劇化的把它給找回來!


On the way to Brooklyn I wrote on my note pad,

"When was the last time I grieved for something I lost? ( I still grief for the lost of my red umbrella.)

How long do I need to grief this time for the lost of my ever first "watch"?

Still, deep in my heart, I believe someone will take it to the front desk. Deep in my heart I believe it will return to me on to my wrist. I'm so not used to the missing weight, and this morning I had looked at the missing time for three times and got hit by the lost again.

Still, please show me another miracle, I believe this is a punishment for the departure from the other half, but I got the message. Please prove it that people are not as selfish as others think they are. Vickyen 2008, July 26th, Sat. "

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

georgia aquarium/ Beluga whale

回到了南加州,開始整裡這二十幾天的照片。
這張是這次旅程最後去的亞特蘭大喬治亞水族館所拍攝的,也是我這趟旅程中最喜歡的一張。

Monday, July 28, 2008

Coney Island

COney Island, Wonder Wheel, Ghost House, Freak SHows and,
FREAKS! Old school rocks!

Friday, July 11, 2008

是醒了還是踏上地面



夢主要是灰色調的,而我卻一身寶藍色緞面材質。
我衝向雷,他趴在桌上抬頭看我,
兩把武士刀刀刃砍在他雙臂撐靠的木桌兩旁,劈頭亂罵了一陣,夢中很清楚自己到底罵了什麼,
挺有詩意的兩句話,結果醒來就忘記了。
似乎是在排演,
我們把四年所有排練過的劇或者表演都重新播放演出一次,
重新看見自己可怕的模樣,感到很愧疚。

夢裡總是穿梭在空間與空間之中,是那種無止盡,一個連結一個的那種。
常常我是夾在像是樓梯間的地方,要往上也不是,要往下也不是。進入一個之後又冒出另外一個空間。

下午睡午覺也是一樣,又是空間與空間的夢。醒來頭暈目眩,睡起之後只是更加疲累。

前些晚上倒是夢到好多隻複製的Levi*, 這裡冒出來後又在那裡冒出來,在床上,在地毯上,在我身旁在門邊…。

這種夢作起來的感覺總是漂浮,是不是跟我的圖像有關連?

身體躺在床上卻天旋地轉的漂浮的感覺其實有些難受。

何時可以在夢中直視自己的雙眼?(是徹底被揭穿時嗎?)*

那,是醒了?還是從漂浮中踏上地面?




* 我姊的貓。
* 電影,男孩別哭(Boys Don't Cry),Brandon 在廁所中被強行揭露下體沒有男性特徵時,光線照在發白的身體,眼神看著眾人背後的另一個自己。

Thursday, July 10, 2008

回眸九份山城

九份山城,躲過了台北天天降雨的沮喪氣氛,我們頂著豔陽走走吃吃喝喝。
再次走訪山城感覺與六年前很不同,沒有待到夜晚有點可惜卻也盡興。

我倆被認成韓國人,原因是一個穿著顏色鮮明,一個頭戴牛仔軟帽。

一開始我們很不解,摘下多年前從墾丁買的軟帽,突然想起這其實是韓國貨。

很有趣,兩張照片的主人擺著同樣的姿勢,右腳腳尖向後點著地面,側身的幅度好可愛。
會想念此地,也一定重遊。

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

夜晚來臨時要去睡覺教早起


要舒服一整天就要去睡覺!
晚安Jan~ 要繼續yoga~~

p.s. 看了幾乎一整天的電視與畫了圖。
贊!

今天與貓咪在陽台上一下子,
貓咪謹慎小心的沿著陽台探路,而我悠閒坐在木製的地板看即將被夕陽籠罩的天邊,有多朵雲。

雲云云云云。

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

早睡早起身體好

這週末姊姊不在家,高中朋友來一起渡過了long weekend.
是美國國慶日。
一隻貓,兩個人。
從回到美國之後習慣早起,一開始五點多就會醒來,有時候兩點也會醒來,通常六點半已經開始睡不大著了。
其實開始早起之後發現日子開始緩慢與充實,當下午到來時已經覺得做了比平常一倍的事情。雖然只是打個太極拳,洗個澡,洗個衣服,吃個飯,看個電視,玩個吉他英雄,看個書上個廁所,一天過起來也比以前感覺實在點。

沒有畫什麼圖還是會讓自己有點罪惡感,尤其又看到認識的人進展的很好,心中會害怕。

十點多了,已經想睡覺。

睡覺真開心。

睡了。

Friday, June 27, 2008

好!

不禁懷疑,是否因為林佑嘉而去學了Yoga. 哈。
很高興聽到練玩瑜珈之後的安睡與身體狀態的不同,
感覺真的有像是進入社會的女性,學習少林武功可能比較不同,但是
即將展開太極的我也期望得以達到身,心,靈的淨化。

這樣的改變我非常的喜歡,一種緩慢的成長。

瑄,妳送我的小精工會帶著回去的,這次看到妳氣色很好,高興。

Jan,這次見面似乎不曾分離的感覺我想是因為不時閱讀妳的文字吧,好!

雷,我媽看你的照片說你不一樣了,新造型吧,我喜歡。

橘,我跟阿諾(士林夜市聊了一陣)覺得很好,很好,哈。

蘇,一言難盡,只期待他日再相逢。

猴,大熊,半& Nassi, 要很久很久以後才可以再相見甌!

LEGO, 我要給你的dvd沒能拿給你~ 祝一切順利。

柯,好樣的~~!

好,慢慢的,消失。

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

特效大師 史丹溫斯特

我要說的是,他昨天去世了。

Friday, June 13, 2008

無題


There are so many things going on, actually, they are all small things, small happy things with family(only with my brother) and friends.

My mom is still in the States waiting for my brother's I-20, the thing for international students, and she's also staying longer for my sister. Now I am in charge of my home in Taiwan, in charge with my little brother.

It's funny that I haven't lived under the same roof for long period with my brother for a long time, maybe three years. We used to fight a lot, ha..but this time we are doing great. So, I am glad that I am not hanging out with friends but staying at home with my bro.

Two more weeks, I will be back in LA and stay with Susan. Did I tell you that she's not used to live in that big house? I think I did.

It's weird that I feel good enough for this short return, maybe it's because I haven't felt enough for USA yet. I want to go back and do more things. That doesn't mean I love America more than my hometown, it's just I have dreams over there and I need to make it come true, at least try it.

Do you feel the same thing over there? What do you feel about the return so far, it must be a little bit different than when you first arrived there. I joked about that I would kiss the floor when I had my foot stepped onto Taiwan's ground. I didn't. I need a longer departure.( is that correct?)

Oh well, I don't know where do I miss, here? LA or Chicago? I think I miss LA, when my sister returned from work, and me, bro and his gf and my mom sitting in the family room waiting her to join our "dinner table" in front of TV. Although my dad is still working hard in CHina for the FOUR of us. haha...I need a damn job....

Alright folks, I hope this return will give me strength to achieve my goals and lead me closer to my dreams.

我在San Fransisco 轉機時,寫下了這段文字:

“在機場的一切,都提醒著我的目的地為何。
候機室的人種,模樣,穿著,口音,
還有上飛機後發給我的入境登記表,
在姓名攔下填著(漢字)的地方,
我一筆一劃施力地ㄎㄢ進我的中文姓名,
此刻,
我知道我要前往的地方叫家鄉。”

快要到達台灣時,我又寫:

“When are you going back to your country?"

"Today."

"When do you arrive?"

"Right now."

"How do you feel?"

"What do you think?"

看見那小小的灣, 小小的田,小小的山,
回家了。

後來在入境處找到持有中華民國護照短短排隊的窗口,
將護照交給了海關人員,心中期待他對我說歡迎回國。
他沒有,但是把入境表交還給我說我不需要填寫時,
已經如同雙手張開迎接我回來一樣讓我笑開了嘴。

三毛有十六個年頭是不在台灣的,即使回到台北寓所與家人在一起也感到是客人。
我心中的相似讓我有很深的感觸,卻也告訴自己我很好,我們大家很好,是跟她不同的。
送你一匹馬我看到快要最後了,
文章有時透露出絕望之感,有時又熱情擁抱與愛護生命。三毛,我不會跟您(對不起,電腦沒有女部的您)一樣,因為我們是不同的人,但是您這麼聰明這麼深沈,給了我無限繼續在外地支持我信仰的能力。您那個時代就只出您一個三毛,我這個時代,是否我也能有幸認識一個三毛,與她徹夜長談呢?還是三毛就在每個人自己裡面?

Now it's way too far again. I can never stick to ONE single thing..

Time to eat, with my bro.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

小空間大製作之夜





這個小小的攝影工作室開在關渡一個熱鬧市集斜坡上,
五個工作人員包括模特兒與設備共同擠在狹小空間,準備一切拍攝工作。
認真的眼神,專業的架式,昏黃的燈光,拿手的打光技術,
除了相機會在豐胸前害羞的鬧脾氣之外,
最佳工作團隊造就一流作品!

一年後的那天很多人說我沒有變,但其實真正了我的知道有東西在各自的體內一直變動著。

我很高興見到大家的改變與不變,
這樣的變與不變,好也。

Friday, June 6, 2008

少一點彆扭,從雜草深處抬頭可以看見整座青山

當然不是。
這是美國加州Idyllwild的印第安森林保留區山區的景色。隨同母親與弟弟的女友上山去看他,看見那美好的景色,讓我不禁心動想要看看能否留在山上當老師。
我願意待在一個與世隔絕的地方,與山林為伍,與清新的空氣為伍。在山上我能夠了解為何許多寺廟都建蓋在深山中,因為修行需要莫大的信念與勇氣去拋開許多東西,自己愛的人,愛自己人,關心的事物,熟悉的味道,習慣的互動…而光是上那座山,就是一大覺悟。
我有嗎?在我興奮地想像自己在山上當老師的情景的同時,我問我自己,你有這種覺悟嗎?
覺悟是什麼?是一時衝動做出的事情然後在後悔中將自己壓抑並且說服自己習慣嗎?這是我吧,一種固執所以不願意承認後悔,所以繼續忍耐而成自然?
下山吹風時看見這整個山巒起伏,照在陽光下與雲朵遮住的陰影,想起宮騎俊的動畫中常有的畫面,而這樣的畫面都可以讓我感動想流淚。
人心胸可以這樣寬闊的,是多少灰暗生冷的高牆把你我的心都關的緊緊的呢?想要活著就要活得像一個人該有的樣子。
人該有的樣子在現在已經被模糊了標準。
是不用標準,只是我感覺假如我能夠像這山巒藍天雲朵,我會是個更好的人。
少一點彆扭,從雜草深處抬頭可以看見整座青山。

Thursday, June 5, 2008

半夜。燈黃。。



是發生的事情,是夢過的故事,是沒有任何原因來由的東西。
這樣的東西總可以在過了十二點後出的來,或者,快要眼睛闔上以前。

前天開始閱讀三毛的散文集,送你一匹馬。我感覺她的文字比起其他人的文字還要能夠像是給無法自行進食的我,直接從喉嚨送進食道般,直接的接收,有點痛苦卻一丁點都沒有流掉地灌入我的靈魂。她讓我想到我自己,我的創作,我的文字,有些遙不可及,卻又給我重燃信心與希望。

這種希望從三毛身上來不知道是否好。

想想把東西放上來,可以再繼續走下去。

做個熱血的人,擁有自由的意志並且珍惜它。

Fight or not fight?


看了以死作家的文字,想著那個年代可以這樣灑脫與驕縱,全然因為有更多的同類互相傾聽與訴說。同類在哪?對誰訴說?

Sunday, June 1, 2008

歡迎光臨-Go START全班便利商店 採訪

http://www.culturalindustry.org/realstagenewdetail.php?id=72
柯,我佩服你。

Saturday, May 31, 2008

鳥媽媽的神情


斜靠在床上,肚子圓滾滾。明天得早起,所以無法晚睡把影片剪輯一番放上來。

今天一個人在家悠閒的度過,澆澆花,洗洗衣服,晒晒太陽,看看電視,用用電腦。
中午站在洗碗槽前面,看見外頭陽台下柱角角邊的鳥巢,媽媽在跟她的孩子玩。之前看她都窩在那裡沒有動,心想就是在孵蛋吧,結果今天看見了一隻,甌兩隻小鳥在她的腹部下面鑽阿鑽的,好可愛,隨手錄了下來。在鏡頭裡頭,我看著鳥媽媽的眼睛,blink blink, 嘴角似乎也在笑,結果突然有一些細微的神情轉變,喉嚨咕嚕咕嚕的動著,小鳥就躲到媽媽肚子下面去了。

原本以為鳥沒有表情的呢?但今天我看到了,她發現我的時候,眼睛跟嘴角都有不同的感覺。

明天得早起,再過兩天我就要回台灣了。
剛剛聽見遠方半夜的火車汽笛,知道離這不遠有鐵軌的感覺真好。

晚安揹。

Friday, May 30, 2008

"An animator must be many things."

An animator must be many things,

an actor,

an artist,

and a student of life.

-Ed Newman



Don't give up. Won't give up, dude!
(but gotta find a way..)
Jerry Saltz said work hard.
Mom said keep on working.
Dad didn't say much.
Sister said hell yeah!
Bro said you are better than Miyasaki's son.



I said....





" Trust in me~" HSssss....

Thursday, May 29, 2008

五月二十八日星期三,明明已經過了

五月二十八日星期三,天氣晴

和朋友在MSN上面聊天,對方說是個說話反覆繞來繞去的人。再次被別人說我說話沒有邏輯。已經習慣這樣的個性,真的是很難改變嗎?

今天早上醒來於快要芝加哥十一點鐘,被爸爸的電話聲吵醒。當時正作著一個很奇怪,可怕的夢。

刪除一些帶有點暴力限制級的版本是,

我回到小時候的我,跟我媽在一座似乎腐敗的城鎮裡頭,很窮,很髒。從哪裡冒出來一個金黃色頭髮的小寶寶,是個洋人寶寶,我們將她打扮,她變成了我們與對方競賽的工具。競賽的內容是有點像商業廣告,在現場佈景,幫寶寶拍攝商業廣告。

我們輸了。

我跟媽媽推著菜市場的推車,一個老婦人從樓下冒出來,推著一排衣服,說,
“這些老舊的東西,不嫌棄的話,拿去給孩子穿吧。”

看去挑了一陣子,是破舊的衣服,但心裡感謝,因為我們太窮了。

空間裡東西越來越多,變成一個商場,一個廢棄的商場。走來走去,看到一些有趣的東西,我告訴媽媽這可以拿來給弟弟玩。夢裡面,弟弟還是個孩子。

會作這些夢我不明白,卻很享受醒來那一煞那,躺在床上礓直的身體,與一切驚悚片段。人可以不需要經歷夢中苦痛是很幸運,而我很幸運。

回到說話沒有邏輯,加上做事情沒有調理,沒有恆心。今天下午與家人吃飯又被問及想不想要請誰幫我找工作,想到自己沒有邏輯調理橫心毅力,成為家中米蟲。

做夢是我最會的?眼睛閉上便可以進入另外一個世界。

依然沒有邏輯的文字,我感覺這世界越來越不需要我。最近開始又有點瘋癲。

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

出了那一個桃花源




隔天醒來,當然盯著天花板想了一下發生什麼事。

早晨又去了 K Town 吃解酒的韓國熱粥,經過那條街,想要尋找昨晚前往的地方,
卻怎麼也認不出來。似乎夜晚開啟的門在日出之後,如同桃花源消失在通道另一邊。

這是去完海邊的夜晚,一壺半的So ju進了兩人的腸胃,
LA 與 Santa Monica的快速道路只剩漂浮的車身和往後逃竄紅燈綠景。Floated. 五月二十六。photo by San Erika

Yeah, life is beautiful!




Memorial Day with San Erika.
空中飛舞的塑膠袋,刷在白牆上的Billie Holiday,慵懶的珊還有我,
星期一放的假,放鬆的下午,
給我們多一份信念,去維持一些夢想。

VickyEN過去的檔